I was losing my mind.
That was the only way I could explain myself at this particular moment.
“I want you,” Achi said.
“You’re seeing someone,” I argued weakly. the argument that would only suffice if I kept reminding myself that he was not mine.
“Come,” he pulled me closer until I was against the hard muscle of his chest. He stared into my eyes. Hypnotic or bewitched he kissed the corner of my mouth, taking me back years when this was his ‘can I’? It still made me weak in the knees.
I let him kiss me again and he captured my lips, years of pain, regret and those lonely moments could dissolve here. I felt strong arms slide over my ass and pull me closer. In my chest, my heart fluttered. My common sense was obliterated.
He was aroused. I could feel it through his jeans. And if I cared to check, I was aroused too. I caressed his face, I did not like the fact that he was clean-shaven now but his skin was soft to the touch.
Achi did not have to say anything.
I had already convinced myself that I was doing this for myself. For myself respect and because I could. I would not regret this.
I slipped my tongue into his mouth, searching and finding his tongue. I allowed myself to feel the rush of arousal as his hands roamed over my ass repeatedly, squeezing and feeling.
It had been so long since I had been held like this, we kissed and hurried to my room taking off our clothes and littering the floor. I closed the window, just so my nosy neighbours couldn’t hear us.
“Do you have protection?” he asked. I shook my head.
“I am on something,” I mumbled closing the curtain.
“You’re seeing someone?” he asked.
“Yes,” I replied. It was a lie. Actually, I got the shot the day after he left, just in case.
I knew Achi and this conversation was not over. He lifted me and put me on the bed.
I gave a startled gasp as he bent his head down between my thighs. Gently caressing my skin. His tongue began to dart over the exquisitely aroused flesh. I lay back when I felt his warm breath on my soft folds.
Trying not to lose my mind and enjoy this was an impossible order. I wondered if he did this with Chomba, was she the only one he was seeing? It felt shockingly intimate. Decadent and delicious. It felt perfect. Jealousy momentarily coursed through me.
"You're thinking too much," he said.
Helplessly, I writhed beneath the featherlight feel of his tongue, unable to believe that it could get any better. But it did. I felt as though I was going to faint with pleasure. I cried out and he held me tighter, I bit back a cry of disbelief mingled with pleasure, and my body shuddered as he pressed his lips against my pulsating core.
I fisted my bedding in one hand and dug my teeth hard into my fingers on the other. I bit on them as the flick of his tongue intensified the blistering sensations. I couldn't scream out loud. One delicious spasm was followed by another. vulnerability and power intermingled in a single moment. I wanted to ride the pleasure and make it last. Time stretched and suspended and I found myself strangely reluctant to float back down to earth.
Achi watched me with a satisfied smile.
"What's his name?" he asked.
My brain battery was flat, whats whose name?
He must have read the confusion on my face, "The guy you're seeing." he supplied.
"Does he make you feel like that?" he taunted touching the wetness of my folds. I felt two of his fingers slide into my still-pulsating core. I pushed the back of my head into the pillows.
"Is that no?" he teased thrusting me with his fingers. ''Should I stop?"
"Stop talking Achi," I ordered.
"Yes Ma'am," he replied obediently.
I couldn't think, I was experiencing a warm anticipation as he moved to lie on top of me. His flesh was silky and hard. I moaned when he entered me, filling me up. It felt like he had possessed me. The muscled weight of his body leveraged by his arms on either side of me.
"Yes!" I moaned as he filled me. He thrust deeper, grinding into me and taking me higher and higher into a familiar realm. I moved upwards beneath him. I could feel myself floating. Again?
He kissed me subduing another moan I let out, I was close and I felt so vulnerable. He wasn't having it because he withdrew out of me and positioned me on top of him.
We made love like this back in uni too but now something was different, everything felt heightened. Orgasms were a rare privilege, but not today. The shrill sound of my phone had me snapping my head to see it. But Achi gripped my thighs and thrust upwards. I ignored the phone my mind focusing on the one task I had.
My next orgasm was earth-shattering, and at the same time, I heard Achi swear. I collapsed onto his hard muscle chest, another thing that was different about him. For a long moment, we just held each other. And I wished he was mine, for that fleeting moment as he sensually caressed my sweaty back and kissed my head.
My senses returned to me I forced my treacherous reluctant body off of him. I remembered my phone picked it up, the missed call was from my dad. He had picked Thulani up from Soccer practice and they were headed to my parents' house. Achi stood up and pulled on his underwear as he started picking up his clothes.
The reality of what just happened was probably sinking into both of us. I wanted to tell him I wasn't seeing anyone but I couldn't. I watched in silence as he went into the bathroom and I heard the shower. I took a spare towel and went to the communal bathroom to clean up.
I took a bath while running through what we were about to say to each other. Wondering if there was anything to say.
I found him sitting at the edge of my bed holding the picture frame that had Thulani's picture. I dressed up, pulling on a pair of cotton shorts and an oversize t-shirt. He was watching me. The smell of sex was still heavy in the air and it made me uncomfortable.
"Lindi, I want us to be a family. I still love you," he said. My heart did a backflip in my chest.
"I am not seeing anyone," I told him because I was not a good liar. I saw how he had a small smile creep onto his face.
"I know," he replied. The confidence didn't surprise me. He wiped his face and I reminded myself that this was just sex. Tears stung my eyes. He wanted us to be a family, but he was not making mention of leaving his girlfriend. All the scenarios I had played in my mind had not prepared me for this.
When he left, I stripped the bedding off my bed. I was not angry at him, I was disappointed with myself. I felt stupid for hoping and giving myself to him. Really stupid.